If you are reading this, it is because I have been the victim of an unfortunate “accident.” My conspirators were clever, disguising themselves as some of my dearest friends. But slowly, they begin to plot against me, until eventually I had no one left to turn to. Why not go to the authorities? Because no one would have believed me. And they counted on that.
The computer was the first to turn on me. Files disappeared. My settings changed and changed back again. I got disconnected from the Internet every five minutes. Had I been hijacked? I couldn’t stand the thought of my poor, reliable old computer being violated like that. I downloaded every spyware killer program I could find. I deleted unnecessary files. I did everything I could to help my computer perform better. But it was no use. Eventually I had to face the truth: My computer was out to get me.
The television was next. There was this eerie green spot. It grew smaller and larger, and almost looked as if it were breathing. Sometimes it was just a speck. Other times it covered nearly half the screen. It never appeared when other people were present. Only when I was alone.
But the kitchen appliances were the cruelest. The refrigerator appeared to be the ringleader. It started with the occasional shock whenever I would touch the handle. Soon, I couldn’t open the door at all. Oh my sweet Haagen-Dazs, trapped in there all alone and uneaten! Then the other appliances joined in. The garbage disposal would make terrible noises and refuse to dispose. And then it would act as if nothing had happened. Sometimes it wouldn’t work for days. Sometimes it would make terrible, ear-splitting noises. I never knew what to expect.
Please, please, please, if you read this, take a long hard look around you. They say technology is our best friend. But is it? Please, don’t let them get away with it! Don’t let them take over! They’re ruthless! Ruthless, I tell you! They’ll stop at nothing! And you could be next...