I'm Not Nice...and You Should Be Glad

Photo Credit: Neil. Moralee via Compfight cc

As a child, I often met older adults who were grumpy, blunt or downright rude. Were they always like that, or did age bring out the curmudgeon in them? I suspected the latter, given that they grew up in an era when manners and politeness were next to godliness. Clearly, something happened to make them abandon common courtesy. As I grew older, I discovered my gut instinct was right: Age makes you crotchety.

Up until recently, my default setting was “Be nice." Somehow, however, my default setting shifted to “WTF is wrong with you?” Getting past people’s BS trumps sparing someone’s feelings or avoiding a scene. I didn’t even realize what had happened until a customer service rep asked me not to yell at her. (For the record, I didn’t yell at her -- even though she had it coming.)

As it turns out, my disagreeableness is a good thing. A very good thing. In fact, could be a matter of life and death. And if your life is in my hands, you’ll be glad I’m a stubborn ass. As “Psychology Today”  reports, “agreeable” people can be deadly.

WTF are you lookin' at?

Photo Credit: billhd via Compfight cc

Most of us have heard of Stanley Milgram’s obedience experiments of the 1960s. In a nutshell, researchers told participants to deliver electric shocks to people if they answered questions incorrectly. An alarmingly high number of people delivered shock after shock after shock...eventually dealing a fatal zap to the person on the other end. Who were these sadists? Well..actually, they weren’t sadists at all, but instead the people most of us think of as polite and genial. When confronted with an order to harm someone, they complied. The participants with more “disagreeable” personalities, on the other hand, were more likely to refuse to hurt another person if asked to. It seems that the compulsion to adhere to social expectations could, quite literally, get an innocent person killed. Less regard for “niceties,” however, seems to translate to a personality more inclined to take a stand, question authority and social standards and respect the well-being of others.

So what’s the lesson here? For me, it’s this: The next time someone whines that I’m not “nice” enough, I’ll take comfort in knowing that I’m the last person you’ll ever have to worry about electrocuting you to death.

5 Days #BelowTheLine

Note: This year’s Below the Line challenge is over. While you can’t participate in the fundraiser until next year, you can help raise awareness any time. I hope you’ll consider conducting your own Below the Line experiment or donating to / volunteering with your local food bank or similar charitable organization.

The Challenge
Live Below the Line is sponsored by The Global Poverty Project. Every year, people around the world spend between one and five days eating on a budget just below the poverty line, in an effort to raise awareness of the hardships and prevalence of poverty and hunger. Participants can also raise money for one of the project's many charity partners. In the United States, the daily food budget for this experiment is $1.50. I participated for the first time this year, and here is what I learned.

Zen and the Art of Lawnmowing

One of my greatest accomplishments is finally, finally one-upping the neighbors. (If you live in Suburbia, you know that “Keeping Up With the Joneses" = Survival of the Fittest.) I didn’t do it via a Clark Griswold-style display of Christmas lights, or by cruising up in a shiny new Mercedes. Instead, I put my neighbors to shame through an intimidating demonstration of sheer brute force. (Maybe you’ll think twice before stealing my garbage can again. You know who you are.)

Adventures in Tealand: Tulsi

Tuesday, 8:15 p.m. End of a very long, very stressful day and I’m still working. After struggling with writer’s block all morning and afternoon, a problem exacerbated by the arrival of bad news, I’m hoping for a second wind. Thankfully, hot tea kickstarts my brain cells and I’m now sailing through my article. (The tulsi, by the way, is very smooth. I highly recommend it.)

Free Speech Friday: And Now a Word From Gore Vidal…

Novelist Gore Vidal was the embodiment of freedom of speech, from his groundbreaking portrayal of homosexuality in his 1948 novel “The City and the Pillar” to his criticisms of Presidents Bush and Obama and their involvement in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Vidal never hesitated to speak out against something he thought was unfair, unfounded or just plain stupid. When Vidal died Tuesday at age 86, we lost not only a literary talent but also a vivid representation of the importance of free speech. In honor of Vidal’s life, I thought I’d use Free Speech Friday to share some of his views on language, literature and freedom of expression.

Brain Candy: Derpy cats, texting dogs and…Keanu Reeves?

That may be a strange combination. Or maybe not. This week I’m proud to introduce a new feature guaranteed not to make your life any better in any measurable way. It’s Brain Candy, and it’s something you’re going to curse me for.


I have the attention span of…hey…a squirrel! Is he wearing a monocle? What? Oh, right. Sorry, I got distracted. But seriously, did you see that squirrel? As I was saying, I can’t work on an assignment for more than half an hour before my brain either shuts down or wanders off to very dangerous places. To prevent spontaneous combustion, I take a short break by perusing some of the Web’s more obscure and offbeat sites. It usually gets me past my block, because how can you possibly be in a cruddy mood after looking at pic after pic of cats wearing sweaters?

Free Speech Friday: When Free Speech is a Crime





  

I set out to write an objective, thoughtful analysis of the line between when free speech is a right and when it is a crime.

I failed.

How can you be objective about freedom of speech? It’s what my career as a journalist is based on. It is what all of our other freedoms rely on, because if you take away our right to speak out against injustice, injustice will surely follow. But what about when free speech is committed as a deliberate and knowing violation of the law? That’s the question brought up by the case of 17-year-old Savannah Dietrich of Kentucky, who tweeted the names of the two boys who sexually assaulted her (and pleaded guilty to the crime) but agreed to a plea deal in which Dietrich felt they “got off easy.”