Don't Try This at Home

You know, people give me a lot of great advice, and I would be selfish if I didn’t share it with the rest of the world. And what better way to do that than the Internet? So please, learn from the mistakes of others. Don’t ever do these things:

1. Attempt to make your own hand soap.

2. Lay ceramic floor tile in your underwear.

3. Date someone you met on the Internet.

4. Hang Christmas lights while standing on wet grass. (Call 911!)

5. Take six dogs to the vet at once.

6. Have ahem, relations, with someone you met in the park. (Seems obvious, doesn’t it? One would think...)

7. Touch an electric fence to see if it’s working.

I'd like to reiterate that these are experiences shared with me by others. I've only done one of them myself. And no, I'm not going to reveal which one.