Fasten your seatbelt. Stay away from dark parking lots at night. Never order anything with garlic at a business lunch. We're so cautious when we leave the house, but are often blind to an equally perilous activity, one that lurks within our own homes...multitasking!
Yes, multitasking is a necessary evil. You need three of you just to keep up. I get it. At any given moment, I may be doing laundry, vacuuming the living room and trying to decide what to wear to tomorrow's client meeting. All while listening for the doorbell so I won't miss the UPS guy. But when you divide your attention among several tasks, can you give any of them the attention they deserve? Chronic multitasking can turn your once-sharp mind into oatmeal. (Oh dear -- did I leave the oatmeal cookies in the oven again?) Chores that once seemed routine may suddenly feel more complicated than the SATs. Your head swims as you try to remember how to operate the blender, partly because you're also making a mental grocery list and trying to decide what to buy your sister for her birthday. This is how those innocent but embarrassing mistakes occur, like when you put your keys in the freezer and the ice tray in your purse.
Sure, we're all busy, but does that mean we have to drive ourselves crazy every day? Heck no! I think we're trying to do too much. Does dinner have to look like something out of Martha Stewart Living? No -- it just has to be edible. Does your lawn have to be the greenest on the block? Do you have to accept every dinner party invitation. Probably not.
So join me in a pledge to banish multitasking once and for all. Repeat after me: Starting today, I will not be a slave to the demands of modern life. I will live for the moment! (As soon as I run the dishwasher and put away the laundry. And while I'm at it, I should scrub the bathtub, decide what to have for dinner...)
Zzzzzzzz.....
My dear, whatever is wrong? Oh, I see, you nodded off at the breakfast table again and landed right in your bowl of Frosted Flakes. Oh, you poor thing. Well, if it makes you feel any better, you are not alone. Sleep deprivation is an epidemic. Why, it's all the rage this year! However, it is also dangerous -- it can cause injury, memory loss and confusion. With early detection, though, the damage can usually be reversed. If you suffer from any of these symptoms, seek help immediately:
1. Hallucinations. Inanimate objects seem to come to life. Maybe your pencil starts speaking German, or your dog prances through the room wearing a pink tutu. Or maybe, like an acquaintance of mine, your electrical outlets start talking to you. I told her to ignore the voices and get some sleep, but she was too busy arguing with her toaster to listen.
2. Paranoia. Even the most ordinary situations seem sinister. The postal carrier, for example, is part of a diabolical government conspiracy. Every day he brings me mail addressed to "Resident." Who is this person called Resident, and why do funeral homes keep sending him half-price specials? The post office tried to tell me I was Resident, but I told them I wanted no part of their evil plan for mind control.
3. Memory loss. You forget small things -- you know, like where you left your keys or what planet you're from. I routinely forget where I've left my glasses, only to realize they're on the end of my nose. Fortunately, there is a surefire cure for memory loss. Unfortunately, I can't remember it. Maybe my toaster knows.
4. Confusion. This is why you put your keys in the freezer and ice trays in your purse. Getting through the day is like navigating a maze. I'm always so tired I have a habit of falling asleep in strange places throughout the house. When I wake up, I have no clue where I am or why my house shoes growl when I try to move my feet. Oh, never mind...that's just my dog. No, Fluffy, I am NOT buying you a tiara. You'll just have be content with your pink tutu!
1. Hallucinations. Inanimate objects seem to come to life. Maybe your pencil starts speaking German, or your dog prances through the room wearing a pink tutu. Or maybe, like an acquaintance of mine, your electrical outlets start talking to you. I told her to ignore the voices and get some sleep, but she was too busy arguing with her toaster to listen.
2. Paranoia. Even the most ordinary situations seem sinister. The postal carrier, for example, is part of a diabolical government conspiracy. Every day he brings me mail addressed to "Resident." Who is this person called Resident, and why do funeral homes keep sending him half-price specials? The post office tried to tell me I was Resident, but I told them I wanted no part of their evil plan for mind control.
3. Memory loss. You forget small things -- you know, like where you left your keys or what planet you're from. I routinely forget where I've left my glasses, only to realize they're on the end of my nose. Fortunately, there is a surefire cure for memory loss. Unfortunately, I can't remember it. Maybe my toaster knows.
4. Confusion. This is why you put your keys in the freezer and ice trays in your purse. Getting through the day is like navigating a maze. I'm always so tired I have a habit of falling asleep in strange places throughout the house. When I wake up, I have no clue where I am or why my house shoes growl when I try to move my feet. Oh, never mind...that's just my dog. No, Fluffy, I am NOT buying you a tiara. You'll just have be content with your pink tutu!
Five Things I Learned This Week
1. It's possible to be simultaneously flattered and insulted.
2. The things I thought made me "weird" are evidently what people like most about me.
3. There are more emoticons and text/IM abbreviations than I can ever hope to memorize.
4. There is at least one person out there who will "get" your sense of humor.
5. Sometimes forgetting that exhaustive list of interview questions you labored over actually makes for a better interview.
2. The things I thought made me "weird" are evidently what people like most about me.
3. There are more emoticons and text/IM abbreviations than I can ever hope to memorize.
4. There is at least one person out there who will "get" your sense of humor.
5. Sometimes forgetting that exhaustive list of interview questions you labored over actually makes for a better interview.
Decode the hidden meaning behind your name!
If you're on Facebook, you've probably seen this nifty little tool. It assigns an adjective to each letter of your name, and this reveals your personality, blah blah blah. Mine did not fit me, so of course, I created my own. :-)
Late
Evasive (so I've been told)
Average
Thrifty
Excitable
Reflective
Rattled
Young at heart ; )
Late
Evasive (so I've been told)
Average
Thrifty
Excitable
Reflective
Rattled
Young at heart ; )
Just wondering...
How odd. It seems I have nothing to say today. I do have plenty of questions, however, swirling around in my brain and making me quite dizzy. Maybe if I release a few of them out into the blogosphere, they'll find someone better able to aid them with their quest for self-discovery. More than likely, though, they'll boomerang right back to me. One small request: please don't give me a concussion this time.
So, my little ones, off you go. I'm afraid there's nothing more I can do for you.
1. Should I dye my hair purple?
2. Why is the thing you're looking for always in the last place you look? ; )
3. What would happen if I did everything I'm supposed to do, when I'm supposed to do it? Because I fear the earth might spin off its axis or Hell might freeze over. At the very least, everyone would have to find someone else to nag.
4. Where are these things? My Iggy Pop t-shirt, the 3-D glasses I've had since grade school, the class photo from the Yukon Citizens Fire Academy and the cruddy tweezers I never really liked but are adequate so I'm too cheap to replace them.
5. How the heck did I end up being the sane one?
So, my little ones, off you go. I'm afraid there's nothing more I can do for you.
1. Should I dye my hair purple?
2. Why is the thing you're looking for always in the last place you look? ; )
3. What would happen if I did everything I'm supposed to do, when I'm supposed to do it? Because I fear the earth might spin off its axis or Hell might freeze over. At the very least, everyone would have to find someone else to nag.
4. Where are these things? My Iggy Pop t-shirt, the 3-D glasses I've had since grade school, the class photo from the Yukon Citizens Fire Academy and the cruddy tweezers I never really liked but are adequate so I'm too cheap to replace them.
5. How the heck did I end up being the sane one?
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